The Perils of Ignoring Your History Lessons
Turkey (the country, not the bird) has 10,000 years of history. It’s the cradle of civilization in many respects, and home to the earliest civilizations on record. Throughout my trip there several years ago, I was inundated by historical facts, figures, places, dynasties and ruins. Examples:
The first archaeobotanical evidence of a grape was found in Turkey.
It is believed the first wine was developed in northwest Turkey, near the Iranian border.
The first Christian church was built in Turkey.
These facts, among many others, were dispensed freely to me during my stay in Turkey. It was amazing.
I think.
I say I think because, if you know me at all, I am history-disabled. I am also geography-disabled, which makes for a great Ignoramus Double Whammy when you’re in a place like Ephesus or Izmir. I never thought blowing off history would have adult consequences, but whoops. Wrong.
During the last leg of my trip, my guide, Berkan – a soft-spoken, immensely polite, very educated young Turk – found out pretty quickly he was dealing with someone of vastly sub-standard history intelligence. He never let on about it, but I’m sure he was thinking, “So you’re an American, huh? You with the tiny brain. How did your country ever get to be so powerful?”
He never said that, of course. Not even close. The Turks rival the Italians in grace and hospitality, so he’d never allude to something like that. But he knew. Oh, he knew.
How?
Because of conversations like this.
Berkan: So the ruins you are standing on now were built in the second century.
Me: BC?
Berkan: No, AD.
Me: Oh. Huh.
[Ten minutes later]
Berkan: And this temple was ruined by a 8.2 earthquake in the third century.
Me: Wow. Third century BC.
Berkan: No, AD.
Me: Oh.
[Ten minutes later]
Berkan: This was lost to a battle with the Persians in the second century.
Me (tentatively): AD?
Berkan: BC.
Me: Shit.
Berkan: Don’t worry. You’re only wrong by 400 years.
Me: Yeah. Well. Hey, did you know America invented the iPhone? Steve Jobs in the hooouuuuse, right?
Berkan: He’s been dead for a year now, but sure.
The Wine Tasting
In Capadoccia, a badland-esque semi-volcanic desert in the middle of Turkey renowned for cave homes used by the Hittites and early Christians, I had the pleasure of doing a wine tasting with a Turkish man who not only was a tremendously intelligent oenophile, but also a passionate history and archaeology buff. The presentation this man gave was 92 (NINETY-TWO!) slides long, each detailing the archaeological history and botanical narrative of micro-regions within the historical Mesopotamia and modern day Turkey. If it sounds deep here, reading this, imagine being there. BETTER GET YOUR BRAIN ON, BATMAN.
It was like having quantum physics explained to you by Stephen Hawking when you still struggle with story problems involving trains carrying bananas leaving at different times from different cities.
The man was amazing: I’ve never seen anyone marry wine culture with history, archaeology and botany this guy did. About halfway through the presentation (SLIDE 46!) he noticed I was a bit glazed over.
Him: Any questions?
Me: Oh, no. It’s just that the words coming out of your mouth go into my brain and just sort of die, so I start looking like this. Like I missed the reading assignment for this tasting. But that’s OK. I like the fonts you’ve chosen. I know a guy back home who’s a huge fan of Comic Sans. Comic Sans, can you believe that shit? Haha!
Of course, I thought that, but said nothing.
Him: Any questions at all?
Me: Nope. Great stuff. Lots of history in this region, huh?
Him: (pausing) Yes. You could say that.
Me: And how! Ha!
Him: Excuse me?
Me: You ain’t kidding, man.
Arm Yourself
Learn from your resident history dummy-cum-newsletter writer. Don’t go to a place like Turkey and not brush up on your history. You don’t need to scour 93-slide PPTs to get educated, just hit Wikipedia here and there to learn something about the general timeline, rounded to, say, the nearest half-millennium, and you’ll be okay.
Don’t be a me.
So damn true. ;). Nicely said. Love your writing. ❤️